brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
