Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
