I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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