i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't EVER smell your tampon
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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