my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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