In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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