so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
