My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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