i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
