K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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