repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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