There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
