she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
