I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
