why didn't you poke me back
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
