If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
