Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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