Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
