My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
