i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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