I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
