Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
