im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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