Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
