There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
