can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
