Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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