we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
