i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
