as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
