Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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