Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
