It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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