turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
