If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
whose parrot is this?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
