i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
