i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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