I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
