I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
