We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
