glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
