She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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