dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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