Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
