If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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