i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
