So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
