Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
