My nipple is on Facebook.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
