Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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