ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
