Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
