i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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