GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
