just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
